This is a bit of a different blog post. This is a little bit more about me and one of the reasons why I travel and how I have been feeling lately. I hope you enjoy and perhaps find it helpful.
So. I don't know about you, but for me winter is just ‘not my time’. Ok, I know what you are probably thinking, “what does she mean by ‘not her time’?”
I am a person who needs daylight. I need heat. I need sun. Some people think that I am being dramatic and, dare I say it, a princess when I tell them this but I genuinely do. The thing is, I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (AKA. SAD) and have done for as long as I can remember….or at least for as long as I have been aware of my emotions and feelings. This isn’t a new diagnosis for me, it is something I have been diagnosed with for over 20 years.
My Gran suffered from the same and suggested that I seek some professional help when I was about 16 because I was describing so many of the same symptoms and feelings. So off I went to the Doctor and after a couple of different appointments, bloodtests etc…she was right. I get SAD in the winter months.
So what is SAD and why am I affected?
In short, SAD is a disorder that basically presents itself as depression. It seems to be more prevalent in countries with reduced daylight hours in the autumn and winter which impacts your body’s natural circadian rhythm (your internal clock which manages your sleep/wake cycle). It usually starts in early winter and can last all the way through to spring!
Some of my symptoms are:
A constant low mood
Feelings of guilt and worthlessness, despair and low self-esteem
Far more emotional. Actually, sad. Really tearfully sad. Literally tearful as I write this…Summertime me would be pissing herself laughing at how weepy I am right now
Weight gain caused by increased appetite and cravings…whoop! Here comes some more low self esteem!
Feeling stressed or anxious
Zero interest in normal everyday activities and being less active in general.
Less sociable – not helped by my virtuous efforts of doing dry January for the last 19 years.
Sleeping for longer than normal and still finding it hard to get up in the morning.
Lowered concentration levels
Brain fog…serious brain fog.
I live in Central London, it has always been my home and I’m not sure I could ever completely leave it and whilst it may be an amazing city - for some it’s a city of dreams - it is also famous around the world for being cold, dark and wet and as they say, there is no smoke without fire. London is absolutely cold, definitely wet and due to my lifestyle, very dark…and before the rumours start, there is nothing dodgy going on here 😂
As well as travelling myself and booking travel for others, I also work a full-time office job based in the heart of London’s famous West End as well as teaching Zumba in gyms by night.
My routine see’s me wake in the dark, cycle to and from work in the dark, shield from the cold and rain in the office during lunchtime and spend my evenings in basement gyms…all of this results in zero sunlight exposure and a pretty whack circadian rhythm. Therefore…SAD!
As I said, I cycle to work and stay pretty active with Zumba which helps the serotonin (happy hormone) release but I really need that sunlight and without it, I just can fix it.
There are things I try to do to improve this. For example:
I always ensure I have a window seat in the office.
I have a SAD lamp on my desk.
I try to get out and about for walks as much as possible…but you know, cold and wet.
I maintain all of my usual routines from the rest of the year like never changing my alarm clock so I must get up at the same time regardless of how I feel.
I try to pay close attention to my diet
I drink hot chocolate or Tulsi tea at night to relax me into a normal sleep pattern.
This only goes so far though and typically I will always make sure I have a couple of short trips booked dotted throughout the winter months to keep my mood in check. Largely, this works so well for me but not only can it be expensive, sometimes life’s schedule just doesn’t permit…work can be hard, family can need you…there are so many things.
This year is one of those years. We have multiple things which need updating at home but have previously pushed aside in favour of getting out in the world. My finances needed a hard reset after many years of FOMO and lately, my job has needed so much of my time that I really could not have fit something in but MY GOD do I regret not booking something!!!
I am feeling the lowest I have felt in well over a decade…maybe longer! I feel like I have no direction. No motivation. I have realised that my finances are not changing overnight. I still have repairs to pay for and work will always demand of me as much as I give them which needs to stop.
Sometimes, we need to do things which may not seem like the ‘right choice’. Sometimes there are options beyond what we believe. Next weekend, I have no plans whatsoever, so on Friday I will go online, I will find a flight for less than £50 which gets me somewhere hot and home within 24-48 hours and will take you along for the ride.
So F*** you SAD! I am lead character in my show and I play this role way better than you so I am taking centre stage back!
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